On the Practical Aspects of Romance
I was wondering what my readers think about the following questions. Disclaimer: my curiosity is mostly intellectual. I am not expecting anyone to propose to me, or for that matter expecting to propose to anyone, in the near future. But a certain male of my acquaintance was curious what girls thought about this, and I could only give my own opinion; I really have no idea what girls in general think.
1. Should a guy buy the engagement ring before proposing to the girl, and therefore without the girl's input? It's traditional and rather sweet to put the ring on the girl's finger at the time one asks, and one is in a perfect position to do so while one is down on one knee anyway. On the other hand, loving someone and wishing to spend the rest of your life with him does not necessarily imply trusting him to pick out jewelry for you. My personal feeling is, if the guy is not certain about his taste in jewelry (and what male is?), he's much safer asking first and then taking the girl shopping for the ring. But perhaps I am dreadfully practical and unromantic.
2. Should the guy ask the girl's father before or after asking the girl? This probably varies depending on your particular take on courtship. I'd rather have the guy ask me first, because if the courtship has gone that far it should be fairly clear that my father approves, and I'd rather be the first person to know about my engagement. Unless of course the guy is planning a surprise that requires her family to be in on it.
Please comment. :-)
1. Should a guy buy the engagement ring before proposing to the girl, and therefore without the girl's input? It's traditional and rather sweet to put the ring on the girl's finger at the time one asks, and one is in a perfect position to do so while one is down on one knee anyway. On the other hand, loving someone and wishing to spend the rest of your life with him does not necessarily imply trusting him to pick out jewelry for you. My personal feeling is, if the guy is not certain about his taste in jewelry (and what male is?), he's much safer asking first and then taking the girl shopping for the ring. But perhaps I am dreadfully practical and unromantic.
2. Should the guy ask the girl's father before or after asking the girl? This probably varies depending on your particular take on courtship. I'd rather have the guy ask me first, because if the courtship has gone that far it should be fairly clear that my father approves, and I'd rather be the first person to know about my engagement. Unless of course the guy is planning a surprise that requires her family to be in on it.
Please comment. :-)
posted by Deborah | 3:03 PM
6 Comments:
On #1: the guy should definitely buy the ring before proposing. He should know enough about the girl to know what kind of ring she would like. And it's always somewhat amusing when the ring doesn't fit and the newly-engaged couple goes shopping together. Much more amusing than proposing without a ring. That's just cheap.
On #2: it really depends on the people and the ages and the situation. Being under authority and having good in-law relations is very important. It's also very important that the girl hears the news from the guy, and also that the guy, not the father, is ultimately taking the leadership of the situation.
Just realized my previous comment sounds a little too authoritative. Maybe I've been laying down the law for young teens a little too long :)?
Anyway ... that is just my opinion ... so if a guy proposes without a ring ... or even if a guy proposes indirectly via the father without the ring [gulp] ... well, as long as a happily ever after follows, what can I say? ... ;)
Hmmm...
1. I agree with Lisa. The ring should be purchased before the proposal. This is where the guy is supposed to conspire with your best friend, who, of course knows what you want, and will press your rings into a bar of soap, so he can get the size.
I just have this picture perfect diamond commercial in my head, where the ring is sparkling on your finger as you embrace in the freezing twilight, whilst snowflakes fall....uh...yeah, you get the idea... :-D
2. And I would be very uncomfortable if he hadn't asked my father first. Granted most couples make up their minds that they will marry long before the engagement actually occurs, but there's still something very special about having the father's blessing beforehand, instead of just as an afterthought.
Take care!
Meredith
Meredith you're a wise woman.Could not have said it better myself.
Meredith, you're a wise woman.
Couldnot have said it better myself.
Meredith ,you're a wise woman.
Couldnot have said it better myself.
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